Deployments

I know that I haven't blogged on my personal blog for quite awhile, but today I felt like saying some things that don't belong on my other two. Some of you might think this is silly. Others may not understand at all. But for me, this post is full of heartache and tears. For those of you who don't know, Shayne's Brigade is in the process of deploying. Again. However, this time he is staying behind as the Rear D Commander. Great news right?! Then why do I feel this way? Don't get me wrong, I am SO incredibly grateful that Payson and I get to have him at home with us. But I have seen how hard it has been for him this last week as he has sent his friends/Soldiers off to war, but he is the one staying behind. Since he took this job a few months ago, I knew it wouldn't be easy for him not to go. I just didn't realize how hard. We went to a movie the other night that hit way to close to home. As we sat in the theater at the end of the movie, tears rolled down my cheeks for the heartache I felt while watching the movie. Tears rolled down Shayne's cheeks for the heartache he felt for not going with his men. He didn't tell me this, but I know. He told me after the movie that even though he loved me and wouldn't want to leave me, he wished even more that he could go. I never thought it would be so hard to NOT let my Sweetheart deploy. I am usually his voice of reason and I think the job he is doing is an honorable one and I am constantly reminding him of that. However, if he came home tonight and told me that plans had changed and he was deploying tomorrow, I would let him go. With a tear on my face and a smile in my heart. I am so proud of my Soldier and all that he has done. I wish I could take his guilt away. We have so many friends with loved ones getting ready to deploy right now. We've been there. It's not easy. Today in church I watched a new Soldier/young Father of three, stand at the pulpit in his Multi Cam uniform, just a couple of short hours before stepping on the plane, humbly bare witness of Jesus Christ and His teachings, without once even mentioning that he was about to leave his Family to go fight for his country. Humble. Shayne and I were recently talking about what we would do if we ever get out of the Army. The thought honestly scares me. Going back to civilian life with some people who have no clue what the Military is even about or what it's like to be an Army Wife, makes me nervous. I am so glad to be a part of this "Military bubble" that we live in and couldn't imagine life any other way. And for Shayne, Sweetheart, you are doing a great thing! I know there are soldiers who will sleep better and be able to work harder knowing they have such an amazing guy back home taking care of their Families. This job won't be easy but you will be great at it and you were picked for a reason. For all of those Families with Soldiers who have left or will soon be leaving, know that you are all in our prayers. Be safe and come home soon!

2-12 Infantry Battalion